Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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