Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
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