I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
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