bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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