Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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