I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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