Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
