I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
My feet surprised me
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
