Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
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