Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
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