I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
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I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
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On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
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