So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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