There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
