Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I got inside last night via doggy door
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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