i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
