Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
