We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Randomize
