just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
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