Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
your like the ambassador to my penis.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
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