..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
