I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
