filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
