I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
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I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
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Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
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