omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
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