i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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