Non-Jews are for practice
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Acid is not a monday night drug
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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