Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
