overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
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