people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
