whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
