I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
