I hate all girls vehemently.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I fill condoms, not promises.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
