Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Tumblr User Tells Story About A ‘Demon Gets Adopted By A Grandma’& It Needs To Be A F**king Movie
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
20+ Kids Who Probably Didn’t Mean To Draw Hardcore Porn
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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