he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
21 Dirty Secrets From Bachelor/Bachelorette Parties That Have Destroyed Marriages
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
23 Fathers Confess The Best Way They’ve Messed With Their Daughter’s Boyfriend
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
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