I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
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how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
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True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow