I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.