Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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