ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
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Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
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Pants off. Spirits lifted.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah