My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
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