Just cropdusted the office
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
