So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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