Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Randomize
