I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
