He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
