from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I just googled if crying burns calories
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
