How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
