Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
