We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Randomize
