I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
