At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Randomize
