Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Floor bacon is actually really good
A+ Viking dick
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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