Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize