wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
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