so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Randomize
