i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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