He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize