New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
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