Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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