I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
