i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
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