you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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