Too much gin, very little bucket
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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