FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
third nipple confirmed
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
