I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
you didnt know i had herpes?
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
