i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
