your thong is hanging out like whoa
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I yelled at your uterus for you.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
