Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Randomize
